buried men

by zanders

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1.
I stay wrapped up in layers to keep warm even though I’m not a cold person; it’s just poor circulation You got in my veins because I shot you up like heroin; I hate to let you go after I let you in, but neither of us should be doing this for once I wanted to ignore the voice inside my head saying “slow down he sure seems awfully friendly” he sure seems awfully empty the closest I’ll get to waking up with you is sleeping in your clothes the closest I’ll get to holding your hand is only with my own the closest I felt to knowing myself was always in our home but nobody’s home and when I reach for my phone I know there’s no calling you back how do I get used to that?
2.
at the end of the day I’ve got twin-sized priorities and I am happy going to bed alone I’m sorry you got to know me for my bad habits and that we spent more time fighting then laughing it doesn’t matter, you’re cruel for telling me just what to feel and how terrible bad it all will be and then leaving I’d say fuck you but I think the whole reason you’re mad s probably because I won’t now I don’t know the psychology of it but something’s not right in your head when you tell me “my darling it’s gonna be alright because we’re sharing the same hospital bed” you think someone would say “Alex don’t you know it’s a one-way ticket to rock bottom you’re closing yourself off from your closest friends and all the boys you’ve messed around with are all messed up, I know you’re in denial but I think it’s time to face the pain because right now your hedonist ways are messing with your hedonist ways” I’m finally starting to realize what you really are long live the grand inquisitor he’ll pretend to be your best friend and he’ll love you but it all with depend cause if you don’t fuck him in the end it ends
3.
I was sick of waking up next to this grown up posterchild of everything I've always hated I'm blowing the silver lining in the bathroom with the dollar bill you gave me and I'm blowing it all up the left side don't beat yourself up about us because I let you down it's the theory of license plate tectonics that keeps driving us apart and I'm tired of it you stopped your car in the middle of the tunnel until we couldn't hold our breaths any longer to suffocate ourselves in wishes
4.
broken bones 01:48
somewhere between exit 1 and oak hill road we found my guts, which up until then I had only caught glimpses of through red eyes in head lights on dark night from past lives some people make wishes over broken bones and sometimes we need to pull apart so we can actually grow out of our shells, away from our hell, and into our selves, sometimes scars help I miss telling you all about my dreams but now you’re in them it’s like your sleepin’ with me instead of our bed you’re just in my head but it feels real like you’re not dead although I was half asleep for your last call I remember our last words I can recite them all and those "I love you's" are enough to emphasize the fact that our love's intact. do we die or do we become light do we die or do we become the night
5.
this one 03:24
this one's not bringing you back to me this was not how it was supposed to be this one's not bringing you back I'm not who I am now in those flashbacks. flashback: cause I knew you I knew you I knew you were meant for you but now all that I share with you are our memories and if this one could change everything we've been through I'd sing it everyday to you we still had places to go we still had secrets to know and now we're unable to grow I wish the water and sun could fix this. fix this. cause I knew you I knew you I knew you were meant for me but now all that I share with you are our memories so I hope where you are is where you need to be and I hope you'll remember me. you called me earlier that day when they took you away and I know I said I'd be okay if you can't stay. I won't be okay, if you can't stay I won't be okay.
6.
when you feel the blood rushing to your face smile knowing it comes from a good place let your heart beat serve as a constant reminder that you are not an object when you see the blood stain your favorite garments smile knowing it comes from a good place march to your heart beat and be your own disciple use blood to write your own bible because platonic’s not a punishment are you doing this just for the fun of it I’m sorry but it sounds like bullshit it’s too shallow to even get wet I don’t need to be your rose to be beautiful I don’t need to be yours at all I’m the girl who’s not getting closure ‘cause when you leaned in I didn’t move closer you’ve misunderstood what I’ve been saying if you think I’m a flower that needs saving I’m returning my keys to your white paneled room I’m returning my keys to your white paneled room we’ve got to grow now and go off on our own way to know what this all means and maybe someday I won’t need to only be your baby I am not your problem I am not your project
7.
when you start finding needles in your best friend’s haystack when they start losing just as much money as they are weight retrace the track marks and call for help pick up the pieces call for help. when you’ve waited for the funeral to eulogize your friend you’ve wasted time there goes another life line call for help don’t let go, I’ll never know if you thought I let you go the answer, the answer is no when you talked about getting out of town for a while when you talk about moving where it’s warmer I always thought we’d go together I always thought we’d go together and now I’m left with all the physical things searching for meaning in the moon and I hope you can see it to cause I know, I know what it meant to you when you’ve been up for days and haven’t been sleeping when you want to tell me what you’ve been keeping pick up the phone and call for help I will pick up your call for help.
8.
I can steal your shoes meet me in the blue room let’s do something criminal before I’m banished to your peripheral when I pretend my hand is your hand and my eyes are your eyes it’s to see if this love is ripe enough to eat pack your bag and meet me in the blue room I’m not looking to running away without you are you free this afternoon when you first came in to my orbit I’d only see you on the certain nights and it wasn’t long before I started looking for you every night hoping for you ever night the cracks in the sidewalk are the tightropes we walk on the knots in your heart strings are unraveling the lights behind our eyes grow brighter at night time the only thing I’d like you to leave are your keys out for me let me be clear as far as you and I go I’m still learning just how much my soul knows but won’t you take me home these bones need a home

about

In the most loving memory of A.D.F. (1987-2014)

credits

released December 6, 2015

Engineered by Lucas Borgstedt
Mixed by Cameron Boucher
Mastered by Matt Baltrucki

Alex Saraceno on keys and vocals
Kevin O'Donnell on bass and vocals
Jason Rule on drums

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zanders Connecticut

With a "z" as in "xylophone".

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